Revised Ten Commandments

The Ten Commandments were handed down several centuries ago and are generally common sense. However this does not stop people from ignoring them or twisting them for their own purposes. What follows is a list of the “Revised Ten Commandments” courtesy of the Ranting Rev:

10- You shall not covet thy neighbor’s house, car or stereo system nor his token wife or the nor any of his stock portfolio
9- You shall not rat out your neighbor to the Feds or Crime Stoppers, unless you really need the money
8- You shall not steal (D’uh)
7- You shall not commit adultery, even if you are going through your midlife crisis and your wife has denied you relations and your secretary is willing
6- You shall not commit murder, unless the order comes from the Don himself
5- Honor your Father and your Mother until they get really old and no longer make sense because of all the alcohol and anti-depressants
4- Remember to take a day off, relax for Christ’s sake!
3- If you take an oath in his/her name and break it he/she will be really pissed. Marriage and court are included in this one.
2- You shall not worship any idols, your Grandmother’s china, Beanie Babies or your Harley Davidson

1- You shall have no other Gods before him/her, not Elvis, not the Backstreet Boys, not Celine Dion, not Bill Gates and DEFINITELY NOT BRITNEY FUCKING SPEARS!!


Blessings

The Ranting Rev